Why is it that a simple no is tossed into such a collision with others? No is just no.

My mood has slowly decreased into depressive over the course of an hour or two. My chest hurts, like heart break; constricted, hard to breath, holding back tears. Heart is racing, mind is quiet, eyes dull. What I want right now is the loving caress of leather upon flesh, rod against tender, wanting body. Give me reddening warmth and pinkish tinge to my skin to relieve this unbearable pressure. Clear my mind of conflicting thoughts; make it clear once more.

I don't crave sex; I don't crave pleasure. I crave love, warmth, cuddles, the gentle caress of a lover, the firm hand of a handler. I want the smell of wolves in my nose, the warm feel of fur, the soft sound of a comforting growl in my ear.

Confusion is never a nice feeling. It is painful, stressful and frightening. Doubt sets in, second guessing, wondering if what you are doing is really good. Crying is a nice release, but a mess and hassle. I don't cry unless absolutely needed.

I think soon I will have to use the release, with all that has come up. Stress of school, being away from home, boyfriend, a dear dear friend needing surgery within the next month...It's scary. Others wanting me to have sex to clear my mind, either with them or another. I am not one to fall into a sexual frenzy to clear my mind. I don't want to become known as the girl that does that at random times because I cannot figure out a problem on my own. Sex is all well and good at the beginning, but it just complicates things more in the end.

I am who I am for a reason. I can take care of my problems myself. If they become too much for me to handle, I will seek out help, or stop and find another way to solve said problem. I have done it for years; I'm not about to stop now.

Leave me as I am, for to change me, you will incur the wrath of my inner demon, the protector of my self, and only hellfire awaits you.